Conviction: Pride and Judgement

I've really come a long way in my life in the last two and a half years ago. Two and a half years ago my world was falling apart. I was getting a divorce, I had just quit a good job, I didn't want to have anything to do with the church, and I was making one poor choice after another and feeling each and every consequence. September 18th is a personal anniversary for me. It is the day that I hit my personal rock bottom in my stupid choices and I made the decision to pick myself up off the ground and make for higher ground.

Things have gotten much better. Though I occasionally make stupid choices (and still feel every consequence) I'm doing a lot better at being wise and keeping my mouth shut. I'm back in the church, my friends and family have all told me that they're proud of my choices and where I'm heading, and I am now able to look in the mirror and say that I'm proud of who I am and I know that I have something to offer the world. It's been a tough road - and it still has bumps - but I've somehow made it through and I'm stronger than ever.

Last week I was called out at work for something that keeps hindering me. It has to do with my pride. I hadn't really thought about it much - but then Pastor Brady even preached on judging others. I sat in the pew thinking that judging others is the last thing on my mind considering how much I have been forgiven for. I tend to give others the benefit of the doubt because I have had to ask for so much grace. But then it hit me again - my pride in how far I've come has caused me to judge others.

My biggest area of struggle is at work. I've worked from the bottom up to where I am right now and I have very little patience for others who aren't working equally hard. I also go around with an attitude of invincibility at work because I do so much that I believe I'm indispensable. They can't live without me. Both of these frames of thought have caused me to be prideful with a bad attitude toward certain people and things in my life. How are these things okay? 

I think my biggest downfall has been the mindset of "me picking myself up off the ground". That really isn't it, is it? God is the one that picked me up off the ground through His grace. And without His grace who is to say that I won't fall back in to those poor choices? Who am I to think that I did any of this without God? 

Pastor Brady talked about the story where Jesus comes across a woman about to be stoned for adultery. He told the crowd that those without sin were able to throw the first stone. My attitude has been akin to me being that woman - and two and a half years later me telling everyone that the reason I wasn't stoned was because I somehow beat the crowd at their own game. 

Humility isn't something that always comes naturally to me. I have it when I look at where I've come from - so I tend not to judge others who have made poor choices. Where I really need humility is in realizing that the only reason that I can look back and say "that is where I WAS" is because God brought me to where I am today - in a much better place. And as far as work is concerned - the only reason I've been able to work my way up is through the mind that God gave me and His grace through everything. I have no right to look down on others for their work. My focus should not be on them. 

I hate being convicted of things - especially when I feel like I'm doing so great. Refiner's Fire. It's always there. Thank God for that.

The Heart of the Matter: Don't Talk to Strangers

Why is it that I can have a couple of weeks that were so packed full of meaningful conversations that I should write about - but those are the weeks that I don't have the time to sit and put pen to paper? Such has been my life over the last two weeks.

Last week my cousin came and spent the week with me. Ryan and I grew up together and we've always functioned like brother and sister more than cousins. Even so, our parents chose to parent us in very different ways. This week we really got the chance to digest a lot of our growing up years and what we would do if we had our own kids.

One of the main things we talked about was how our parents approached parenting in two different ways based on if they explained to us the intent and "why" behind all of their rules for us. Ryan said his parents didn't, and I contend that my parents did. Though I didn't always agree with what my parents would say to me I always knew why they set certain rules for me. As an adult I have very much appreciate this fact.

A few weeks ago my pastor was in the middle of his Sermon on the Mount series. Pastor Brady gave an illustration that when parents are raising their kids one of the first rules they tell their kids is "Don't Talk to Strangers." As the child grows up a bit the parents say "Come meet these people" and in turn introduce them to strangers. Then when the child goes off to school the parents say "go meet new friends." When you hop from don't talk to strangers to go make new friends it might seem contradictory. However, the intent behind "don't talk to strangers" stays the same. Children need to be careful with who they let in to their lives and be wise with who they talk to. Parents start with the black and white rule and as the children grow up and mature they explain the intent behind the rule and basically say "you heard me said - well, this is what I really mean".

Pastor Brady said that the Old Testament in the Bible is God's equivalent to "Don't talk to strangers". It is full of dos and do nots. The Sermon on the Mount is Jesus coming back through to say "you heard these rules - well here is what I really meant."

As I see it, God's laws are here to protect us from ourselves and others. Loving God and loving others is not just what we are called to do but it truly is what is best for us. Living lives without hate, revenge, cheating, etc not only helps us live a happy and fulfilled life - but also helps others too.

I think legalism in the Church undermines this entire concept. If God's laws go from being "here is my intent to help you through life because I love you" into "you must do this before I accept you" it really takes away from who I see God is. I don't think God is out to make my life miserable by handing down absurd rules. If that were the truth then Jesus never have taken the time to show intent behind the rules. My parents really were the same way. They weren't trying to make me not popular by not allowing me to party. They weren't trying to come up with crazy rules just to make me frustrated.

I'm thankful for the message of intent behind rules and laws. I want to seek out the heart of God. I want to know the reason behind the rules so that I can believe that God is loving and not a dictator.