Conviction: Pride and Judgement

I've really come a long way in my life in the last two and a half years ago. Two and a half years ago my world was falling apart. I was getting a divorce, I had just quit a good job, I didn't want to have anything to do with the church, and I was making one poor choice after another and feeling each and every consequence. September 18th is a personal anniversary for me. It is the day that I hit my personal rock bottom in my stupid choices and I made the decision to pick myself up off the ground and make for higher ground.

Things have gotten much better. Though I occasionally make stupid choices (and still feel every consequence) I'm doing a lot better at being wise and keeping my mouth shut. I'm back in the church, my friends and family have all told me that they're proud of my choices and where I'm heading, and I am now able to look in the mirror and say that I'm proud of who I am and I know that I have something to offer the world. It's been a tough road - and it still has bumps - but I've somehow made it through and I'm stronger than ever.

Last week I was called out at work for something that keeps hindering me. It has to do with my pride. I hadn't really thought about it much - but then Pastor Brady even preached on judging others. I sat in the pew thinking that judging others is the last thing on my mind considering how much I have been forgiven for. I tend to give others the benefit of the doubt because I have had to ask for so much grace. But then it hit me again - my pride in how far I've come has caused me to judge others.

My biggest area of struggle is at work. I've worked from the bottom up to where I am right now and I have very little patience for others who aren't working equally hard. I also go around with an attitude of invincibility at work because I do so much that I believe I'm indispensable. They can't live without me. Both of these frames of thought have caused me to be prideful with a bad attitude toward certain people and things in my life. How are these things okay? 

I think my biggest downfall has been the mindset of "me picking myself up off the ground". That really isn't it, is it? God is the one that picked me up off the ground through His grace. And without His grace who is to say that I won't fall back in to those poor choices? Who am I to think that I did any of this without God? 

Pastor Brady talked about the story where Jesus comes across a woman about to be stoned for adultery. He told the crowd that those without sin were able to throw the first stone. My attitude has been akin to me being that woman - and two and a half years later me telling everyone that the reason I wasn't stoned was because I somehow beat the crowd at their own game. 

Humility isn't something that always comes naturally to me. I have it when I look at where I've come from - so I tend not to judge others who have made poor choices. Where I really need humility is in realizing that the only reason that I can look back and say "that is where I WAS" is because God brought me to where I am today - in a much better place. And as far as work is concerned - the only reason I've been able to work my way up is through the mind that God gave me and His grace through everything. I have no right to look down on others for their work. My focus should not be on them. 

I hate being convicted of things - especially when I feel like I'm doing so great. Refiner's Fire. It's always there. Thank God for that.