Dancing the Line

One of the problems with dancing with wrecking balls is that occasionally you get hit. It has been two years since I hit my personal low (another story for another time) that really propelled me into the healthy living that I enjoy today. Since then I seem to make stupid choices that cause a wrecking ball hit every six months or so.

This last weekend I got nicked by the that darn wrecking ball again. It wasn't a major hit - just a reminder that it is still swinging around me. I've been talking to my best friend, Laurie, about it. I told her that I have two different seemingly-opposing desires that cause me to dance right into direct hit zone. The first is the desire to live a life that is full of integrity, honoring to what I believe God wants for my life, is responsible, and healthy. The second is the desire to not let fundamental ideals to stop me from living a full life and having fun.

I believe there is a way to do both of these things. They don't have to be opposing desires.

Last weekend I failed (though not miserably) to be completely responsible with my choices.

You know those moments that you want to face-palm and roll your eyes and say "why did that just happen"? Yeah, my face was hit by my palm and I had to ask that question. These moments for me do a few things. First they make me kick myself for not paying attention a bit more to what is going on around me. Second they remind me that even though I'm on a solid path to health that doesn't mean that I don't need to actively and purposefully make sure that I stay walking on that solid path.

One of the biggest lessons I've learned in my life is how true the statement of "there but for the grace of God I go" is. I am not above stupidity, sinfulness, temptation, and "why did I just do that" decisions. God's grace covers all of my past and all of my future - but that doesn't mean that I should just waltz through life with the attitude of playing now and asking forgiveness later.

So where is that line? Should I stay so far from things that may give me problems that there is no chance of crossing the line? Or should I learn from my mistakes (and those of others) and continue through life? Well, let's just say that I haven't stopped driving only because I get speeding tickets now and then.

Wake-up calls and reminders are a blessing. What is a huge relief to me is that my wake up calls and my reminders are fewer, farther between, and very minor. I could either see this consequence-free reminder as an example that I can get away with living on the edge. BUT - instead I choose to see this reminder as just that, a reminder. My choices and actions still need some refining and I need to keep paying attention.

God is good to me. He has walked through life with me and has allowed me to get nicked a few times by the wrecking ball. I see these nicks as a blessing. I'd just rather not have to keep getting nicked or learn from someone else's wrecking ball collision. Maybe one day. :-)